She thinks not...

So you want to sleep in on your day off? Just a hair past 6:30 maybe? Please? Ella says "I think NOT, mommy..I'm ready to party at 5:00 today!"

As Mikes alarm clock went off for the 30th time this morning, Ella started the wiggling and thrashing. Around about time #40, she lost it, at which point Daddy went to get her milk and bring it back to her (what takes him so long in there,considering the cup is sitting out on the counter-courtesy of me-I'll never know, but I digress). So she gets her milk, but this does not lull her back to sleep, as it is supposed to do. She lays quietly for a few (moments not minutes, I couldn't be so lucky) and then starts this weird running-in-place motion, and of course my stomach is her road. So I turn over and say "shhhh, night night". My back then becomes her turf. Again, me with the "Shhhhh! Be STILL! Night night!". Well, that was the WRONG thing to say to her. This triggered a signature-Ella overly dramatic meltdown. How DARE I tell her to be still, to shush her, to expect her to sleep at this hour? I will admit, I was beyond frustrated by now. I thought back to my mom and dad telling me to "be still" when I layed with them, and I silently gave them apologies for my obviously rude bed-behavior. Once I got her calmed and laying back down, the runnng-in-place resumed, but I decided to pretend it was some sort of new age West African back massage. I got to the point where it wasn't bothering me (as much) and I tried to force myself back to a sleepy state. I figured if I could just get back to SLEEP, then I wouldn't notice any of this. And JUST as I started to drift, Ella decided to tell me a story...a very ANIMATED, very LOUD story, might I add. And apparently, she was into the whole West African role playing because that was EXACTLY the language she chose to speak in for her narrative!

Since this story apparently was slated to continue for at least, oh, the next forever, I bolted up from bed and began our day. And wouldn't you know it, Ella got sleepy shortly thereafter, at about 7:30 a.m.!!!


Ahhhhh....no rest for the weary (or for the mother of Ella Ann apparently)

sweetness sleeps

Say what you want about Ella sleeping with me every night, but I really couldn't ask for more than to look at her chubby little face while she sleeps. There is nothing sweeter than a child sleeping. Wait, let me rephrase. There is nothing sweeter than MY child, my Ella, sleeping. Sometimes I sit and marvel at her perfection, even after maybe spending a day dealing with what feels like imperfection (my own of course). She is perfect. She could not be any MORE perfect. She will surely disappointment me, anger me, frustrate me, all of which I am sure (I know) I have done, did, and do to my parents, but she is still my perfect, sweet Ella Ann.

Watching her sleep is one of my greatest joys. It feels almost like time is suspended. Her eyes moving behind her lids, or not moving at all. Her perfect little lips making sucking motions and noises, even when her binky has long before fallen out of her mouth and onto the mattress. Her little sighs every now and then, her leg being thrown on top of me or her arms reaching up to grab me, even as she sleeps, and pull me closer, tighter. It is all perfection. I will miss it all one day, I know. I hope she doesn't think I'm crazy in a few years when I undoubtedly will sneak into her room just to catch a glimpse of her sleeping. She probably will, but one day, I hope she understands.

I don't know if it is the nature of the journey it took to get here, to get her- or if it has to do with losing her precious brother which ultimately brought to mind the thought and fear and possibility and what ifs of having lost them both, or what exactly it is.....maybe (and most likely) it's just that I'm just a big ol' sap, but it so often feels like I am the only person in the world to have been brought to this level of love and amazement, adoration and appreciation. I am not so confident to say that this is the case, but it feels that way.

Sometimes I wonder....you always here mothers say how precious their children are. But somewhere along the way, while of course they always love them, everything changes. Day to day life or does your heart change too? I hope not because I never want to feel any differently than I do now when I watch my perfect child sleep and dream and cling tighter to me.

It's been a while, no?

Over a month. And there I said I was going to keep up with this! Ah well..

Not a whole lot going on. I'm kind of in a weird place, but I won't get into that because frankly, I don't feel like it. Ella is going through some sort of phase, or at least I hope to God it's a phase! She's been incredibly difficult and throwing tantrums. I thought it was her teeth, I thought it was her ears, but she's been to the ped and her ears are fine (tubes still in-yay) and while it *could* be teeth related, I think maybe it's just early terrible twos? I've read that it's normal for tantrumming to begin around 18 months and I'm hoping that's all it is. It's hard to think "oh this is normal" when #1-you have no idea what normal is since you're a first time mom and #2- you see other children her age NOT behaving that way. But then I've talked to many others with little ones Ellas age and many of those moms are experiencing the same thing. And the ped says it's normal. So maybe it's normal after all? Or maybe it's just her little personality? She's definitely stubborn and OVERLY sensitive (gee, I wonder where she gets that?). I don't know if I was that way as a child, and my mother in law SWEARS that Mike was NOT like this (but I'm not sure how much she remembers!-sorry, Mooneian, you really don't remember a lot! ha)

Anyway, it is what it is. We're trying to work through it. I'll be ordering a book about parenting a sensitive child, because I do think she's highly sensitive.

*sigh* Who knew it would be this difficult and exhausting at times?

Despite the issues, she of course is my sweet little Ella and can be the most loving, sweet, happy, funny girl you've ever seen (just ignore the moments where she's throwing herself to the ground or swatting at you because you won't give her another cookie because she has already shoved 30 into her mouth). I don't have a lot of new pictures, but I'll add a few I do have. This little girl makes my world go round, sometimes too fast, sometimes too bumpily, but she makes it turn always. And she never fails every day (multiple times a day) to make me smile and to be thankful I even HAVE a child to be frustrated with. I will never take for granted that I might have never had her (or her brother). She is that special and I am that lucky and I won't ever forget that.

Now for photos....

whatchoo talkin' bout Willis? (this was at the city Easter Egg hunt just before she grabbed the camera, slammed it to the ground and broke it - thus we are reduced to pictures via only our cell phones now-thanks sunshine!)

Ellas signature face. She squenches (is that a word?) her lips up like that ALL. THE. TIME.

here she was wearing daddys (yes, dirty) socks and it was so funny!

Oh, at Ellas ped visit, they did the ritual weighing and measuring, of course. She weighs 28 lbs. 8 oz, which is about the 92nd percentile for her age, and she's grown to 32 and 1/4 inches, which is about 63rd percentile for her age (up quite a bit from her last appointment, so she's grown quite a bit taller) and 19 inch head circumfrence which is the 89th percentile. So my big baby with the big head! I love it! Healthy as a horse!